Water on the Road
How often in life do we have this streamlined idea of the BEST path/plan for our lives? Yea, always, right? Now, how often do the plans we have laid out actually end up working perfectly with no issue, deviation, roadblocks, or other obstacles or complications?? Yea, like never lol
True to form, my story is no different. As mentioned in my previous post on my recent routine PET scan an area lit up in my supraclavicular lymph node. A biopsy was ordered and I received the results on Friday. Malignant/cancerous cells were found.
Pooey right? lol I agree. I had been envisioning this lovely walk on my path (plan) enjoying the summer sights and sounds, embracing the slowed rhythms of not having so many appointments and certainly with far less people poking and prodding me for this or that.
Today I had an appointment with my oncologist, and he has started the process for a lot of different diagnostic things so we can "make the best next step forward."
1. He has sent a referral to an ENT (Ear, Nose, Throat) specialist to do a scope to make sure there is no cancer in my upper throat or vocal cord area. Can I just be real and say that while I am SOOO grateful for the technology and opportunity, I am not really excited about the idea of doing a scope down my nose into my throat. (Update since beginning to draft this post: This has been scheduled for next week)
2. He has sent a referral to an oncology radiologist to map out the feasibility of doing radiation on the area. It seems people are only allowed to have a certain amount of radiation in a given area. His concern is that because I had radiation previously on my lower esophagus/stomach area that they basically sleeved up to connect to my throat when they removed my esophagus, that stomach tissue might be too close to the little node they want to aim for and it might exceed the lifetime radiation amounts for that tissue (stomach). The radiologist can do their magic and figure out all of that and will let us know. (Update since beginning to draft this post: This has also been scheduled for next week)
3. He has sent a referral to a Head and Neck Surgical team to evaluate me for the possibility of just removing the node if it is proven to be the only place that the cancer actually is. He did say if it is found in my new esophagus or my throat area, that makes surgery a lot more complicated and probably takes it realistically off the table, at least for now.
4. He has scheduled an MRI of the head and neck for next week.
5. He will be reaching out to the surgeon who did my big esophagus surgery to try to get him to schedule an endoscopy to look down at my new esophagus and stomach to make sure cancer hasn't also started up again down there.
I am feeling really grateful that so many of these appointments are happening so quickly and am thankful that my oncologist seems to be being very intentional, thorough, and letting the diagnostics dictate his next moves.
I am also feeling oddly at peace about the whole situation in general. Don't get me wrong, I've had moments. Paul and I cried when I read the result on MyChart on Friday and I did break down when my grandson spent the night on Saturday when I was holding him while he was sleeping.
But, truly here is the real deal...
I'm in the middle of this storm (this cancer crisis). I've already been confronted with the option of fight or flight and I chose fight. So, I committed to facing this, mapped my route, and started walking it out. Now I have discovered some water on the road up ahead...
Behind me I can see how far I've come. I remember each step, each milestone I have already crossed vividly.
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