I Am Seen...

 

I saw Him again today. Sometimes God's presence in our lives is just a Faith knowing He is always there. Other times He makes Himself known in more concrete ways that give you pause and fill you with overflowing gratitude.

At the start of this journey, if you remember, I made a vow to actively seek and look for God in the moments to come, no matter how difficult they would be. Documenting it has anchored me and is a definite source of strength. Truth be told, none of this has been easy. And sometimes suffering can make you feel forsaken or forgotten. It is isolating and often lonely. Intentionally seeking and seeing God interwoven in the middle of it all has been a gift. 

Today, I came home from this month's immunotherapy treatment only to discover that we had no working heat in the house. It had been a hard day already. My scans are tomorrow, and I have been battling anxiety over them and not really sleeping well the last few nights as a result. During my treatment there had also been two other patients there who were struggling. Both looked worn down and weak and both were told that their scheduled treatment for the day needed to be postponed until their labs looked better. My heart broke for them. Ours eyes met several times and there was a silent exchange. It makes me wrestle with understanding how it all works...all the whys that go along with life and the struggles we all individually face.

So... when I opened the door to the no heat situation it was like the final wobbly book on a stack already heavily leaning. I called the HVAC repair office and awaited their arrival (bundled in some blankets of course cos it is one of the coldest days of the year here today!) 

When the technician (who I later found out was the owner) arrived he saw that I was masked and said he would mask as well before entering. I told him I really appreciated that because I had just returned from my cancer treatment today. He shared that he was a 13 yr cancer survivor so he completely understood and was honored to do it and vowed to get the heat working again asap.  He then went about his work. 

Some time later he returned to the living room to let me know it was all fixed and working good (yayy!) I asked him how much we owed him, and he said " From one cancer survivor to another, I got this, there is no charge at all. Not for the repair and not for the service fee to come out" I got immediately teary and thanked him profusely. I also promised to pay it forward in his honor one day.  

It isn't the money (though repairing the HVAC wasn't a planned budget expense for the month). It was the act of being seen. Being seen breaks down barriers. It eases burdens. It restores hope. It transfers love. 

God sees us.

 He saw us with enough love to not leave us where we were. And when we suffer, God sees us compassionately enough to stand by our side...no matter what we endure. 

Not only is God always with us but He also moves through us. God is in each breath we take. He is in each hand we extend. Today He was in the glances of comfort that met the eyes filled with pain and fear in my treatment chair this morning. He was in the compassion of a cancer survivor remembering how difficult the journey can be and doing what he could in his wheelhouse to ease the burden for someone else. And I hope, He can be seen or felt in these words that I write. 

He was seen so I know...

I am seen. 

He knows my worries. 

He stands steadfast at my side. 

So, tonight, I will sleep in peace.