Lay it Down at His Feet

 Thank you to those who have checked in or posted on the FB group site checking in on me. I am mostly recovered from my post placement procedure (thank goodness!) and have been mostly spending my time trying to get a few things in order ahead of the start of my treatments.  Thinking of potentially being out of commission for a period of time makes you really see all the things that you usually do and since this all is going to lay over top of Thanksgiving, my birthday, my grandson's 2nd bday, and Christmas it is all just compounded that much more. 

The Update

On Nov 1st I met for the first time with both the radiology and medical oncologists on my team. Overall, they were very good meetings. We got a lot of information, learned more about my specific diagnosis, landed onto a plan with a timeline, and truly I feel confident in my providers. They were all so compassionate, sat with me until all my questions were answered, seemed as if they were committed to working at a lifesaving pace, and were just generally knowledgeable and kind. There is peace in being able to feel like you can give over a peace of this big ol' thing to someone else to handle. I am grateful to the team of professionals that have signed up to assist me in this all. 

Ya know though, I try my best not to be forgettable and in perfect Angel style I am a bit of a complicated case. So, there are a few specific concerns going forward that I would love specific prayer into. 

Important Treatment/Scan Dates

Tentatively I will be beginning Chemo on Nov 15th. I will be doing a two-drug cocktail once a week for 6 weeks. 

Tentatively I will be beginning Radiation therapy on Nov 17th. I will be doing daily 10-minute radiation Mon-Friday for almost the entirety of that same 6 weeks. 

I also have a full body PET scan scheduled for Nov 14th @ 9am. Praying this is still all clear and the cancer is only locally located in my esophagus still. 

Prayer Requests

1st... eating. I am not a great candidate for a preemptive feeding tube that would be placed directly into my stomach. Therefore, the plan is to attempt to handle/balance nutrition orally if possible. Everyone is different but radiation directly to the esophagus usually causes difficulty with eating due to irritation once things get going. 

2nd...I am diabetic. This makes the whole balancing AND getting adequate nutrition extra super important and ultra complex when I am a restricted soft foods diet and will have an irritated digestive system. I have mostly been a controlled diabetic, using just diet and pills to keep things in check. However, I go on Monday for an education class to get trained to administer my own insulin as one of the medications they give you during chemotherapy is a strong steroid and steroids tend to cause blood sugars to go wacky high. 

3rd... Insurance/finances. Currently my insurance is SC only based and all of my team is in 100% agreement that if I need this complex major surgery(esophagectomy) after the rounds of chemo/radiation, I need to go to a high-volume esophageal cancer University Hospital. They all prefer Duke in North Carolina over anywhere in South Carolina. It's time to reenroll in our insurance plan and I am truthfully having difficulty finding a plan I can access and afford (we are self-employed) that allows for covered services out of network/in another town.) This and covering the copays etc. if I can find new coverage when/if I am not able to work are the things that are keeping me up in the middle of the night. The surgery has a significant mortality rate if performed at a facility that isn't as well versed in complex cases with comorbidities.  If anyone locally knows/has a health insurance agent they recommend, please message me privately.

4rd... My immediate family. This is stressful. My family is understandably anxious and there has been an uptick of dysregulation in the household. Our whole world and the plan we were marching into has just sorta come to a grinding halt. We are all in a bit of shock. I pray daily for peace in the situation and gold nugget moments where we can connect and pour into each other. 

The Ultimate Truth 

I know that I know that I know that God is in this. I know that I know that I know that this Cancer might knock me about physically, but it does not have the power to steal my joy or my peace. It cannot diminish my praise or stifle my love. And...it cannot erase my thankfulness and appreciation of each of my moments or breath. There is personal power in that! There is hope in that! There is truth in that! There is Our Father in that! 

Thank you, guys, for holding my hands up to He who can. 

Thank you, guys, for surrounding me. 

I need you all. I appreciate you all. 

And...

I am going to fight this on my knees, smiling through it, stepping assuredly into the unknowns because He has gone before me making the Way. 

Chemo Wishlist

I am attaching my chemo blessings amazon wish list for anyone who would like to do something tangible to help prepare me for this leg of the journey. If you purchase anything off the list, it comes off the list so it isnt double purchased and there is an option to have it directly delivered to me. 

Chemo Blessings Amazon Wishlist

Thank you to those who have already sent cards, funds, and goodies both practical and personal to make me smile. They are very much appreciated and I'm STILL smiling when I think about the love and thoughtfulness.